Part 3 of 3
By saying yes to Oskar, I was also saying yes to all his stuff: skis, ropes, harnesses, ski boots, helmets, ski poles, carabiners, tent, sleeping bags, special mountain food, and tons of other things I had never seen before.
In addition, by saying yes to him, I was saying yes to his crazy energy.
Olivia is trying to climb a wall.
OSKAR: “Oli, left foot up! Put all the weight on that leg!”
SAN CRISTOBAL HILL
The hill has a Virgin on top.
Soaking wet, Oskar runs his way to the top.
There is a metal stick in one door.
Oskar does pull-ups hanging from it.
Saying yes to me, he also said yes to my routine.
Olivia is practicing yoga.
OSKAR (waking up): “How long have you been there?!”
OLIVIA (smiling in a yoga posture): “A couple of hours…”
The yoga room is full of people sitting cross-legged on the ground.
Oskar is there as well. He is stiff.
Olivia gives him two wooden blocks, making him sit on them.
He is now in a better posture.
Olivia and Oskar cuddling on the bed.
OLIVIA: “Can we do nothing for a while?”
Oskar’s shocked face.
Before I met Oskar, I considered myself the most intense person I knew. But he beat me—he just didn’t stop!
Though we found balance for our respective rhythms after some days together, problems lingered in one area:
Olivia is eating a piece of fruit, she offers one to Oskar.
On the table, there is bread, juice, tea, cheese, tomatoes and fruits.
With Oskar living with me, my normal routine now included new activities like climbing, running, and moving through the city acting as a tour guide.
Sometimes, when hugging him goodbye to go to my classes, I realized he was crying. It was hard for me to know how to react, our feelings seemed so intense.
Is his emotion a good sign? Can a man, so different and so special, fall in love with someone as normal as me?
While confusion seemed to be my natural state, Oskar had his life planned. He had ambitions and a list of goals he wanted to achieve sooner than later. I did not.
Am I a hippie?
Because my oldest brother, Samuel, was a filmmaker, I thought it would be a good idea for Rasmus to meet him. He showed excitement about the plans.
Samuel is ten years older than me but we always got along well. He was in the middle of preproduction for his fourth movie while, at the same time, he and his wife Victoria were organizing their things to move to Berlin as soon as the filming was completed.
SAMUEL AND VICTORIA’S APARTMENT
Olivia, Oskar and Rasmus are in front of the door holding grocery bags.
OSKAR – RASMUS – OLIVIA: “Dinner is here!”
Samuel and Victoria laughing.
Since the night we met, Oskar told me about his wish to visit Valparaíso: as a child, he used to play a board game with his father where they needed to move cargo ships through different harbors around the globe. Oskar always wanted to go to Valparaíso.
It was so far away!
Because early in his career my father worked for the Navy, I myself was born in Valparaíso. Although we moved afterwards, during my teenage years we spent summers in our apartment in Viña del Mar from where we could see Valparaíso Bay day and night.
Pedro is driving; by his side is Penelope, his wife.
In the back seat: Miguel and Francisco (Olivia’s youngest brothers).
Oskar and Olivia are inside the car as well.
Since my father traveled to the coast every weekend, we went with them to Valparaíso. At the end, my brothers joined us in our tour through Valparaíso. We stayed with them the whole weekend.
OSKAR (looking at Olivia): “Shall we go back to the beach?”
Olivia and Oskar are wearing surf suits and they have surfboards.
As the days went by, all of my differences with Oskar were confirmed. Probably because of this, I also felt very inspired. For him, everything was a challenge, an opportunity to expand.
I never thought of life in those terms.
Life for me had more to do with being open to what it presented in the moment, without pre-set ideas. That’s why, when Oskar talked about me traveling the world, I didn’t understand. Traveling wasn’t something that rang my bell.
Where would I go?
You are so good at what you do Oli, you should see what’s out there waiting for you. I’m sure it will be easy for you to find work. It´s also the perfect way to learn new languages, and you will become experienced not only in yoga but also in this adventure called life. The worst thing that can happen is that you have to come back to restart exactly where you are now…
Olivia is trying to surf but falls many times. Nevertheless, she is having fun.
Oskar tries to stand up on the board; he is a little better than Olivia but still not good enough. He is very frustrated.
Is this, perhaps, the way Oskar has to invite me to go with him?
And then, in that same trip to the beach, he said he loved me.
I never met someone like you, so sensitive, sweet and open. I know, I can see in your eyes you are scared… maybe I am too but, if I am, it is because I love you in a way I never felt love before.
Until that moment, I thought I had become what he, the expert, would have defined as a simple adventure. But after that weekend…
Are these feelings deeper than what I want to accept?
After India, the concept of freedom changed for me. Oskar’s presence did nothing but deepen that questioning, but we both knew, sooner or later, he would continue his life in the mountains, traveling, studying, training and being very busy. For my part, I would return to my natural rhythm.
I was happy to have met him, but I was also tired; our adventure was about to end.
An airport transfer van.
RASMUS (waving from inside the van, laughing): “See you in Europe, Olivia!”
Oskar hugs Olivia. It is a very emotional moment.
OSKAR: “This is for you.”
Olivia receives a paper with a map and the book Jonathan Livingston Seagull.
Because our adventure was about to end.
SAN CRISTOBAL HILL
The map took Olivia to the top of the hill, close to the Virgin, where Oskar, inside a bag buried under the earth, had left something for her.
Olivia, with the whole city in front of her, is reading a letter.
Hej Special One! During these weeks, I really wanted to give you something but I couldn ́t think of anything I could give you that can truly express what I feel for you, so I am giving you some of my thoughts and the view of your home as I see it: Always from the top. Every time I ́m on the top of a mountain, everything feels more real, clearer. Maybe you will feel the same. I can see the truth in your eyes. You have shown me what love is. Real love. If I cannot be with you, what you showed me is what I will continue looking for. Anyhow, I don ́t think this will be the last time we meet. Think is not the proper word. I know this is not the end and, when you think of Jonathan Livingston Seagull, you will know what I ́m talking about. I love you, Oli: More than I ́ve loved anyone or anything before. You are the first person who has known me and challenged me. You have a beauty, sweetness and vulnerability that melts me, and I simply adore that feeling: There are many ways to melt; let ́s discover them together. In this moment life feels more transparent than ever and, when you see the tears in my eyes, know those are tears of happiness. I believe you are afraid. I prefer not to think about it. I want you to know I ́m out there at the open space of air, at the open space between the mountains. When you see the space between things I will be there and it will always be love for you. For now, I leave you here with lots of love and a smile. Smile you too! Puss. O
SAN CRISTOBAL HILL
Olivia is crying.
If denial and fear are synonyms, then he was right. On top of that hill I allowed myself, for the first time, to take a moment to understand what was happening.
I fell in love with Oskar. He came into my life and it felt like an earthquake that didn’t stop.
Yes, I was scared.
JONATHAN LIVINGSTON SEAGULL BOOK
We see the next underlined sentences:
“If our friendship depends on things like space and time, then when we finally overcome space and time, we’ve destroyed our own brotherhood! But overcome space, and all we have left is Here. Overcome time, and all we have left is Now. And in the middle of Here and Now, don’t you think that we might see each other once or twice?”
Though, from my point of view, I was not the only one afraid.
Hello Oskar! Did you have a good flight? Are you happy to be home? Thank you for the Hill adventure; thank you for the book as well. There are so many words I could share with you, Oskar... Even though we talked a lot, I tried to show you my feelings. I ́m scared, yes: Scared to take away your precious freedom, scared of losing this opportunity, scared of not living up to the situation… But I want you to understand that fear only exists in the part of me that feels scared to fail… In the letter you left me, I can see a lot of fear from your side, too. You are grateful, but you are also moving between this emotion you re-discovered with me and the impossibility of doing something about it. You said you loved me... I think love will never be an old concept; It is so incredibly important! But it won ́t ever fit in our tiny mind structures. Love is not the problem. The problem seems to inhabit the concepts around love: relationships. Thus, I believe we have to create a new concept about this special relation we have because I don ́t want to lose you. Just answer me a question: Are you in? I love you. O.
Olivia spends Christmas with her family. Olivia is inside a car going to the beach with some friends.
Dec. 31st, 18:54: Her phone rings, it is an unknown number.
Perhaps, we were both terrified.
MAP FROM SANTIAGO TO LULEÅ, SWEDEN
MAP FROM LULEÅ TO ÄKÄSLOMPOLO, FINLAND
Oskar spends Christmas with his family. They eat together and there is always a fire burning in the hearth.
Dec. 31st, 23:54: Oskar calls Olivia.
It is the middle of the night here, but I feel like I need to talk to you, so I ́m writing to you. I arrived yesterday to our winter house in Finland, and went straight to bed, sleeping 16 hours straight. Thank you for your words, Oli. They are beautiful. I am well but, after leaving you, I dived straight into the worldly life that is heavily pulling me towards my ambitions. It is so easy to get pulled away from reality, but I ́m giving a fight. I miss having you around like my partner in crime against all the illusions. No one understands much here. Where I am now everything is white. I ́m happy to be around Mum and Dad. I can see how much this means for them, that I ́m here. The last Christmas I spent with them was 10 years ago. I have been thinking about you, too. How cool it would be to show you all this: Winter, snow, darkness, no sun, and only the warmth from people and animals. And maybe joy. I ́m confused with work: two companies are fighting for me, and I need to decide soon what to do. It is hard, and I hate that it ́s taking up my thoughts. But it does, so here I am. I love you Oli. A lot. At least the me I like to be, you know, the real me. The other one loves nothing but illusions, work, fame, and pleasure. I have been looking into that side of me a lot the last two days… so empty. I feel lonely without you because I have to play games I don ́t like with the ones I love. And I have no one to share what I really am. Or, of course I can share love, but not the complexity of reality. For now: of course, there is a contradiction in me. All the love I have for you is completely free. That ́s why it is called love. I ́m afraid to put us in a situation where we kill it. I know the life I ́m living at this moment, and I can ́t see a place where I am now, where you can realize your highest dreams. Maybe you can do it close to me or maybe is possible in a mountain town, but it is uncertain and, uncertainty implies fear (or is it the other way around?). So, there is my contradiction. I want to have you close, but I ́m afraid that the situation will kill what we both feel. But I can of course be wrong. Still, there is fear of the situation. God, it is so easy to get lost in words… However, the answer to your question is of course, Olivia, of course I ́m in. I have no idea how we are going to build a concept of something with no concept without creating a new concept, but I ́m in to try. And yes, you are the one that works better on the showing part, because for sure I have felt what you have shown me… I don ́t want to go to the place in language where I try to write about it, but the result melted me and my thick walls of... fear? I liked it. I would like to create something surreal with you. I don ́t know how, and I don ́t know where, but I do. And yes, there ́s more fear from my side: My worst fear is that I will break you... That you are not soft enough, that you can crack. It ́s not a challenge. I don ́t even want to try, but I ́m afraid of myself in this sense. I ́m good at cracking, specially the rough ones. I... am here. I get tears in my eyes when I feel your presence. I love you. O.
Fireworks are exploding in the middle of a cold night.
OSKAR: “I just wanted to start this New Year talking to you.”
I remember myself reading and re-reading his answer many times before I was able to understand it.
Is not love enough to let go of anxieties?
I let it go: if having a love relationship with Oskar was supposed to be, the universe would find a way to make it happen.
COMPUTERS AND PHONES
Text messages from Olivia to Oskar.
Mails from Oskar to Olivia.
Photos sent, photos received.
Mails, Skype, cameras.
We missed each other.
One day Oskar invited me to spend the summer with him in Norway; the next day, he said he wanted me with him as soon as possible. Another time he said I should contact my friends in Europe to see if it was possible to get a job.
Friends in Europe? Apart from Rachel, Oskar and Rasmus are my only contacts in Europe! What is he talking about? And, what is this thing about breaking me? Is Oskar a bad person?
There is a new email from Olivia.
Email subject: “Call me. URGENT”.
Life, however, already had plans for us.
SAMUEL AND VICTORIA’S APARTMENT
Olivia is standing in front of the door. She holds something in her hands.
The door opens.
Samuel and Victoria seem in shock.
Olivia shows them her hands: she holds two pregnancy tests.
Both of them are positive.
Forty hours after that, Oskar was back in Chile and we were planning our future together.
As a family.
End of chapter I
 Swedish: “Hello”.
 Swedish: “Kisses”.
 Bach Richard. (2004) Jonathan Livingston Seagull. Barcelona, Spain.
© 2018 Alejandra Campos. All rights reserved.